I've to say, I'm the kind of girl who dwells in the past... not saying I live in it per se, I just always have remnants of the past in me; it's like I refer back, maybe think of it and just basically be reminded of the emotions it had put me through. Mostly I dwell on bad memories, constantly thinking of the regrettable things I've done.
I might not show it, but I have a hard time dealing with guilt. I just take it all in, try to do what I can to make it good, but never really... a hundred percent succeed in getting the guilt to go away. But one of the things I've come to realize, that makes it hard for me to look past the past is something about me that makes me who I am~ I think what that is, is that my flaw is so obvious: I procrastinate, I am always guilty of my actions and I don't listen - which makes me unable to learn. Plus, I get easily offended by what people say. (not sure if this makes sense - my logic is illogical kadang2nya)
So sometimes, when I can't handle their criticism, when I take it as if it's an insult and that they're saying those things because they don't love me or they're just so 'judging', then I find that I'm never going to learn! So I blurt our words of whatever I have at the tip of my tongue and sometimes it ain't the best of words... I seriously don't think most of the time. =)
But don't get fooled, I do know when someone is trying to say what's best for me (despite me still getting pissy at them for saying those things) as opposed to someone who's just saying mean things for the sake of being the "superior one" or just out of spite :p I wasn't born yesterday~ I may be naive, but not naive to everything.
So why am I saying this? I suppose I want to say goodbye to these flaws, things that negates me from being a better person. I won't make this my resolution because I have a tendency, like most people - to not follow them through. But you know, I still have trouble forgetting bad memories... sometimes I remember them more than I do the good ones. I'm odd that way huh?
I know that this post is way overdue, almost three weeks into the year of 2011~ only NOW am I thinking of doing such a post :p I suppose I still wish that this time now, was then. The 'then' of when I could have taken a different step of what I get now.
You reap what you sow, and what I got isn't something I'm proud of :) but it's not that bad. Here's to a hopeful 2011! *raises glass
I've realized that some people; more specifically a girl that I thought of befriending, is very superficial... she seems to favor people who are prettier. That kind of vapid shallowness isn't what I look for in a friend. Plus she just thinks the world of her possessions, nothing else - which I might add, is somewhat pretentious of her. *gags*
I also found that some people hurt the ones that are closer to them because they feel comfy hurting them... or maybe, that's just me trying to see the light of things... maybe they're just being bitchy? That's me being absolutely harsh. I can't understand why people can be so bipolar. =__=);
I have also come to understand that ties that I have with my friends... aren't "evergreen", if anything they are ever-changing; I've drifted apart with quite a few of you, some are still around and things have changed - some for the better some for the worst. I'll say, whatever! I'm thankful for those who have stayed :) but I won't forget those who've come and gone. I am, as I said earlier, someone who seriously likes to dwell on the past.... =___=);
More importantly, thank you 2010, for giving me bites of what reality is; for all the dramas, the highs and lows! ;D I might have gotten a beating out of it, but at least I've grown a little.
I shall end it with a stupid yet typical-of-me picture! hehehe...
Oh and just so you know, my relationship with my boyfriend has been drama-less :p Yay! it's time for the stability phase! :D AMIN AMIN! Still, I get pissed at looking at girls adding him up on facebook and him accepting it just because he accepts everyone and uhmmm... him liking pictures of girls~ for the love of me I cannot understand that bit. But I see other girls' boyfriends doing it to me. So nyehh~ guess its normal (?) They still love their gf, right? I know I don't go around liking guys' pictures on facebook. lol. Do not see the point of it, unless its pictures of my boyfriend in 'em! x) Maybe its a gender difference thing~ *shrug*
Although that gets me good in the gut-- or heart, yes still does. BUT... antah! whateverrr~ I'm not going to give him hell for it. I've stopped caring about petty things... I just hope he stops doing it just because I'm very understanding about the whole thing :p
Man, I'm beginning to sound like a try-hard at growing up to be a young adult! HAHAHAHA
PFFT! well I'm twenty now. Might as well start freaking somewhere~
I might not show it, but I have a hard time dealing with guilt. I just take it all in, try to do what I can to make it good, but never really... a hundred percent succeed in getting the guilt to go away. But one of the things I've come to realize, that makes it hard for me to look past the past is something about me that makes me who I am~ I think what that is, is that my flaw is so obvious: I procrastinate, I am always guilty of my actions and I don't listen - which makes me unable to learn. Plus, I get easily offended by what people say. (not sure if this makes sense - my logic is illogical kadang2nya)
So sometimes, when I can't handle their criticism, when I take it as if it's an insult and that they're saying those things because they don't love me or they're just so 'judging', then I find that I'm never going to learn! So I blurt our words of whatever I have at the tip of my tongue and sometimes it ain't the best of words... I seriously don't think most of the time. =)
But don't get fooled, I do know when someone is trying to say what's best for me (despite me still getting pissy at them for saying those things) as opposed to someone who's just saying mean things for the sake of being the "superior one" or just out of spite :p I wasn't born yesterday~ I may be naive, but not naive to everything.
So why am I saying this? I suppose I want to say goodbye to these flaws, things that negates me from being a better person. I won't make this my resolution because I have a tendency, like most people - to not follow them through. But you know, I still have trouble forgetting bad memories... sometimes I remember them more than I do the good ones. I'm odd that way huh?
I know that this post is way overdue, almost three weeks into the year of 2011~ only NOW am I thinking of doing such a post :p I suppose I still wish that this time now, was then. The 'then' of when I could have taken a different step of what I get now.
You reap what you sow, and what I got isn't something I'm proud of :) but it's not that bad. Here's to a hopeful 2011! *raises glass
I've realized that some people; more specifically a girl that I thought of befriending, is very superficial... she seems to favor people who are prettier. That kind of vapid shallowness isn't what I look for in a friend. Plus she just thinks the world of her possessions, nothing else - which I might add, is somewhat pretentious of her. *gags*
I also found that some people hurt the ones that are closer to them because they feel comfy hurting them... or maybe, that's just me trying to see the light of things... maybe they're just being bitchy? That's me being absolutely harsh. I can't understand why people can be so bipolar. =__=);
I have also come to understand that ties that I have with my friends... aren't "evergreen", if anything they are ever-changing; I've drifted apart with quite a few of you, some are still around and things have changed - some for the better some for the worst. I'll say, whatever! I'm thankful for those who have stayed :) but I won't forget those who've come and gone. I am, as I said earlier, someone who seriously likes to dwell on the past.... =___=);
More importantly, thank you 2010, for giving me bites of what reality is; for all the dramas, the highs and lows! ;D I might have gotten a beating out of it, but at least I've grown a little.
I shall end it with a stupid yet typical-of-me picture! hehehe...
Oh and just so you know, my relationship with my boyfriend has been drama-less :p Yay! it's time for the stability phase! :D AMIN AMIN! Still, I get pissed at looking at girls adding him up on facebook and him accepting it just because he accepts everyone and uhmmm... him liking pictures of girls~ for the love of me I cannot understand that bit. But I see other girls' boyfriends doing it to me. So nyehh~ guess its normal (?) They still love their gf, right? I know I don't go around liking guys' pictures on facebook. lol. Do not see the point of it, unless its pictures of my boyfriend in 'em! x) Maybe its a gender difference thing~ *shrug*
Although that gets me good in the gut-- or heart, yes still does. BUT... antah! whateverrr~ I'm not going to give him hell for it. I've stopped caring about petty things... I just hope he stops doing it just because I'm very understanding about the whole thing :p
Man, I'm beginning to sound like a try-hard at growing up to be a young adult! HAHAHAHA
PFFT! well I'm twenty now. Might as well start freaking somewhere~
