Closing account!

My business has been 'in business' ever since late November. So seeing as this is June... LOL. I think I'm going to close my 'account'. Bi-annual thing eh? x) hahaha. Changed money, have a few hundreds. Opening up an account specifically for whatever I get from my business... that way its a separate thing. So I'm going to open up an account and put this money in :) I'm quite happy at how well-received my cupcakes are. 

People just really need to give it a try. It's worth the money. I am generous with ingredients, so the taste is satisfactory! I guarantee I provide QUALITY cupcakes :D 

Wow, sampat promo lah ah.... x) But yeah. I... hope I can make this into something really big. I really don't see myself working for anyone. But hey, if push comes to shove, I just might, but right now, I'm taking the risk of starting something out of pretty much nothing. O_O so help me God.

Totally my childhood!

Here's a nice thing I found :p the more I read it the more I smiled at how witty it was.

Me, behave? Seriously? As a child I saw Tarzan almost naked, Cinderella arrived home after midnight. Pinocchio told lies. Aladdin was a thief. Batman drove over 200 miles per hour. Snow White lived with 7 men she barely knew. Popeye smoked pipe and had tattoos. Pac Man ran around to digital music eating pills that enhanced his performance and Shaggy and Scooby were mystery-solving hippies that always had the munchies! The fault is not mine! If you had this childhood and loved it, then I'm sure it totally brought a smile to your face too! 

HEHEHEHEHE. It did~ it totally did.

Pretty Pictures

I've taken a lot of pictures - as always, I just like to randomly take pictures of people. Don't take it as a form of flattery if I snap your picture-- you're nothing special :p HAHAHA nadabah. But yeah, I love taking candid pictures of people, especially if the setting is nice. I'm not a professional (very faaaaaaaar from it hahaha) but I do this just cause I want to have nice pretty pictures of pretty much anything and anyone. I enjoy editing them as well, like to make colors 'pop' and all that jazz~ 

Here's what I have so far, photos are selected at random and most likely they will be vain shots of myself; WHY~? well, cause I want to and feel like it and it's my personal blog~! XD

Just a shot of my lips, was "supposed" to be artsy; it was for that photoadayjune challenge on Instagram.

Vaining with my Ray Ban

MAMAMSSSSSS

:) yuni~

;) self explanatory...

OH EM GEE. 

The sky was the most wonderful of hues that one fine dusk.

My car's engine.... lol. Random, but I weirdly find this shot sexy *snickers*

AIDAAAAAAN~ His Royal Belabihness a.k.a. my baby nephew and myself.

Being stupid. LOL. But oh my oh my I love this orchid! :D

;) I miss this guy, shall visit you in HK soon~! If I can kumpul enough moolah~

Shot of myself, courtesy of a friend ;D I cropped my stupid face out because I had a stupid expression on. But ima just pass this off as me trying to turn this into something artsy! hahahaha so pretentious la, the heck.

Random day out with the two love birds~ IKR! I was a fucking third wheeeelerrrr~ XD But its all goood~ I had a few good shots of them :) Haven't gotten round to editing the rest. Here's two lah.

The number holds no significance, that's my timer for my cupcake baking thing. It just so happens it was a nice number when I took the shot.

He does this a lot, randomly takes something and then goes on my bed and lies down. This time it was a spoon. OF ALL THINGS! a spoooon~ hehehe adorbs!

mememememememe. ME.

Actually, I didn't really feel like putting up other people's pictures! XD teehee! Maybe another time :p Been a while since I've adorned these big ol space with my muka! :p I know I haven't been really blogging as of late, no thought-sharing or no confessing no discussing not even that much ranting... :O This is a sloppy entry, I just chucked in one or two paragraphs and put a whole bunch of random pictures!

My oh my.... I need to find the time to clear my head and blog properly... O_O

Sometimes I feel like...

♪ Oh I'm just a girl, living in captivity~ ♬

Like I'm trapped in this vortex... of normalcy. Normalcy of course, is subjective... and my "normal" is defined as me forever being in a constant rubbish of dramas after endless dramas. BOO.

*sniff*

A very good friend of mine, shared something with me... It made me cry, because well... this story came to me when (coincidentally) I have already given up on the notion of falling in love with and wanting to be loved by a man.

There are times when we long to be able to help someone whom we love very much, but we can do nothing. Circumstances will not allow us to approach them, or the person is closed off to any gesture of solidarity or support. Then all we are left with is the love. At such times, when we can do nothing else, we can still love - without expecting any reward or change or gratitude. If we do this, the energy of love will begin to transform the universe about us. Wherever this energy appears, it always achieves its ends. "Time does not transform man. Will-power does not transform man. Love transforms..." says Henry Drummond.  

A rose dreamed day and night about bees, but no bee ever landed on her petals. The flower, however, continued to dream. During the long nights, she imagined a heaven full of bees, which flew down to bestow fond kisses on her. By doing this, she was able to last until the next day, when she opened again to the light of the sun. One night, the moon, who knew of the rose's loneliness, asked: 'Aren't you tired of waiting?' 'Possibly, but I have to keep trying.' 'Why?' 'Because if I don't remain open, I will simply fade away.' At times, when loneliness seems to crush all beauty, the only way to resist is to remain open...

(TEXT From Like the Flowing River © by Paulo Coelho) 

Well, I was properly touched and forced to put my life into perspective... Why was I giving up on love? It's clearly a beautiful thing, I honestly cannot deny that... :') But you know what, I don't think I'm strong enough anymore. I've endured so much and I've given up... I don't want to just 'fade away'........ Stubborn is one of my unflattering traits fyi. Guess that's why I'm still going through with my decision. Hmm~ but then again, fate is big downright effer isn't it? Always throws unexpected shit my way...

But hey, to that friend of mine. Thanks for sharing this with me... Sweet of you-- but wow, couldn't be at a more wrong time x) hahaha. It really made me cry like a bitch that night.

boredboredbored

Unnerving

I just thought I'd share something... This morning, I woke up from the weirdest dream ever. It was too surreal and a little unnerving considering the recently published issue regarding the rape cases in Brunei...

click here for the story

Anyways, you can either choose to read that Brunei Times article now or later... BUT YEAH, okay, I had a freaking scary dream =___=) I have no idea why oh why I even dreamed of such a thing. I'd call it a freaking nightmare to be honest.

So, I was with my friend Ayuni right (LOL! this is the first time laaaa she made an appearance in my dream) and we were just walking around UBD and then Muiz was there to just randomly pop up and say hi. Guess we were all pretty bored so we ended up exploring the 'new campus'-- Iunno, somehow UBD got like a facelift and everything was so high-tech looking, we were mucking around and then somehow out of nowhere we were at this underground gym thing. First one to get off the stairs and onto the landing of the basement was Muiz right, while me and Ayuni were still on it, clutching the railings-- we were hesitant for some odd reason, like there was something weird in the air.

And well, a minute later--- *cough* we heard someone moaning... WTF. SERIOUSLY! Somehow everything became so vividly clear and the sound was somehow amplified, I looked at the both of them, we had this weirded out expressions on our faces and not a few seconds later, the sexual moaning wasn't all that 'sensual' it was more like a muffled scream... Muiz, being a guy (I think) was all like, Woi... who's there? like just to make our presence known I guess x_x);


OH. MY. GOD. I was scared shit for my life, because one minute we were standing there, and the next, presented right in front of me was the sight of a girl being gang banged. WTHWTFWTFOMGNO. I was just, speechless and and... OK. You have to know, I am not being one of those frail prude women who faint at the sight of anything gory or sexual. IT WAS SO DAMN FREAKING VIVID WAH.

You know how in dreams, you don't really see people's facial features clearly? They're sometimes sorta blurry or sometimes it's more of a familiarity feeling of that person in the dream being them right? But this... I didn't even know the girl, but I saw her face... clearly, like I was watching her through an HDTV - or even 3DTV with the freaking 3D glasses on T____T I saw she had a slightly tanned skin, long but fine sharp nose, with chino eyes and stringy hair and she had glasses on.... =/ It was as if I was right there, like it really happened... and I was witnessing a rape.

It was not a surprise that I woke up with tears in my eyes... Not really a nice dream to have kan... =/ Hmmm... It was just really unnerving. I woke up hoping that it was not a premonition or something of the supernatural, higher being, transcending kind...............................................but things like that don't happen in reality kan? Let's hope it doesn't. The vividness of my stupid dream really got me scared.

Let's take a break

Yellooooowww~

How's everyone doing? It's been a while since I've blogged about very frivolous things and there has been a lack of random pictures adorning the space of my blog~ HEEHEE.

I supposed it came with the fact that I've entered "adult territory"; I seriously hate the "metaphorical place" I am in at this point in time. I've just been very busy lately to be honest... No wonder some adults are so uptight if they are surrounded by stressful situations at work. Don't get me wrong, I love my work, it's just that sometimes I wish I felt a little less "pressured" whenever I'm there... O_O I really cannot understand why we have to go for the whole of 6 months ngam-ngam wah... =/ All other interns from the same faculty have ended this week~ *sigh*

What adds to my stress may also be the fact that I am worried to no end about my future finances. I mean, if you look at my situation now, I may be very comfortable and I can afford the little luxuries of life... HOWEVER, I recently got a bit of an 'epiphany' you might say-- it was a really eye-opening experience. I was scared shit for my life. Honestly, eversince that day, I've been really... tightly wounded. But thank goodness I know when to let go every now and then and not be too serious... BUT, I'm considerably less "bubbly" as a friend would have said. *sigh* I guess a couple of things have been disappointing me. And honestly, it's made me think of the end frequently, like if you were told at this very moment, that you only had a few months left, would you be happy with where you are?...............................Not quite there yet.

So amidst all this craziness in my head about life and how it's stressing me out. I welcome all any breaks that I can get -- a breather is priceless nowadays. You know what's a welcoming break? When someone orders my cupcakes... or when I actually have the time and energy to cook~ I would bake or cook just to relieve stress. I feel tense lately, like the back of my neck suffers from this tightness...? tautness? LOL. I don't know... but yeah, I'll just exhibit my baked goodies for the world to see~ They're my little bundle of joy, cause it's very joyous for me when people are satisfied from eating my cupcakes. 

(BTW, please excuse the lack of editing on these photos to make them look "professional". I totally cannot be that arsed right now. I'm still trying to get my blogging mojo back tbh)

Dark Knight Cupcakes:

So yeah, some of you might think... why did she name her cupcake after Batman? LOL. Or maybe I'm just a dork for immediately thinking of that as a reference... (woops!) Anyhoots! A description of this cupcake...

These are dark chocolate cupcakes... Made ENTIRELY of dark chocolate :) One of the more sought out flavor these little baddies are ;) Dark Chocolate Cupcake with Dark Chocolate frosting. I made them spikey for some reason, this is the very first batch I ever made by the way. And as luck was on my side, it already tasted awesome~ moist and spongy for the cake and the top pig (it's a figure of speech, I don't have actual oink oink piggies in it) balances it out perfectly cause it has this smooth rich dark chocolaty goodness with a hint of caffeine-- just cause :p Somehow this was sorta a manly looking cupcake, and it was dark chocolate. SO I DUBBED THEE, O DARK CUPCAKE, TO BE SIR DARK KNIGHT! lolololololol I'm so lame I crack myself up :p

Chocolove Cupcakes:

It's a bit of a rip off from chocolate love - that LG phone I think? hahaha... The one that SNSD sang bah~ you know the one~ (if you're familiar with K-pop that is). It's basically chocolaty and a tad more sweeter than dark chocolates (le duh~) so I thought, it would only be suitable for REAL chocolate lovers :) Thus the name.

Can't tell? This is actually milk chocolate cupcakes, with a chocolate cake at the bottom and a creamy (milk) chocolate frosting :) It's equally moist, but hey, I'm not that big a fan of sweet things. I'd have to admit (despite it looking like I'm just praising myself) it really is delicious! :D 

Red Velvets:

Meh, this cupcake has been around so much and it is pretty over-rated... over-used... overly advertised... people are all like, red velvet this~ red velvet that~ blablabla~ HAHAHAHAHA. BUT, I can honestly say mine is freaking awesome. It's not just lamely sweet without any hint of taste in it. The thing about my cupcakes kan.. I really put THAT much thought into it, I don't just throw in a bunch of ingredients in it just to make a sale. I take the time to taste them precisely, I am very very generous when it comes to adding flavors. 

I notice the ones that are being sold are mostly just... cream and they're sweet. Mine has cheese in it. So...it's pretty mouth-watering. Totally should try them out. OH! I shall digress here for a bit; so like I cannot, for the life of me, I simply CANNOT UNDERSTAND that some people are willing to pay so much for just-sugar tasting cupcakes... just cause they look colourful and pretty! (LOL jealous) 

Honestly, I've ONLY just started baking November last year, yeah on my birthday month, because life was going downhill at that point in my life-- so I decided to try out something new and apparently I have a knack for baking! x) *snorts* I sound so conceited, I keep praising myself in all these subtleties. TSK! So my cupcakes aren't the best looking ones out there okay? But geez, I'm trying xp What my cupcakes lack in appearance they make up for how good it tastes.

BUT HEY, know what? I'm going to learn fondant soon~ and you suckers better be prepared to pay for a shitload for my pretty cupcakes nanti! Mine would have both taste and appearance! HAH! 

Last but not least.... 

Salted Caramel Cupcakes:

Oh, here's a bit of a story to my Salted Caramel Cupcakes. They were quite frustrating to make... :( I had a hard time trying to make the cake fluffy and moist like all my other cupcakes right~ first time I made it... I was SO NOT CONFIDENT. For one thing, I've never tasted this before in my life-- but facebook page fans requested it, so I made it (aren't I nice? heehee) Anyways, the cake was so freaking compact-looking, it's firm, not necessarily hard... just not that "light"

See? It's a bit... weird. So the next time I made it... I improvised and of course deviated from the stupid recipe I got off the net. 

Isn't it just lovely now??? :D hehehehe... It's fluffy ♥ Anyways, that's pretty much it. These four flavors have been properly introduced on my facebook page. Eenie Meenie Cupcakes (click here) Please like and place your orders there OR contact me on this number +673 8951118

Done, from now on.

Why are there so many things in life that you can't be sure of...? Why is it that even as I grow older, there are still so many things I cannot bring myself to understand... In fact right, if anything~ the list of things that I'm unsure of is getting even longer! D: For instance... I thought that with every relationship I get myself into with the guys I've been with... You would think, okay, with experience you'd get a better understanding of how relationships work or you get better with practice. But oh my, was I ever wrong~ It doesn't get better, it just gets more... complicated. It's either I'm dating more complicated men-- OR (here's a bright idea) I'm just too complicated! I think complications attract problems.

Now, why do I think I'm complicated? Easy! I think too much~ I dissect every little thing; I try to find reason, I try to find explanations-- always trying to fucking understand why a person acts a certain way, coming up with theories of my own (but I won't say I'm always right) and then either giving the benefit of the doubt, let shit slide or maybe even try to fix it. (It's freaking annoying to be honest-- that I always have to do this). Did this for every relationship I ever had... And it didn't help that none of the guys were truly... "nice". No wonder I'm single and not able to find a steady, stable relationship~ They aren't exactly guys who can be made into a dependable husband. Boyfriends for some good ol' fun? A crazy time? Perhaps. But anything more? MEH, maybe not. I still stupidly hoped that they could turn into a husband material though.

THE SAD THING IS THOUGH? I would always find myself overlooking or well, looking past all their flaws, and I'd love them with all their stupid flaws and all... see, when I fall, I become so blind-- it's almost frustrating. It's like, if I weren't me I would want to slap myself so hard on the face with a brick! Frustrating, sometimes I wish I had alter-ego who would take over my life and just... get me to stop caring so much about wanting to understand those "poor misunderstood creatures". I truly did love every last one of my ex boyfriends...HEHEHEHEHE. I won't deny that you all did give me good memories-- great ones even, but not the best... Because why? Everything ended in one person getting a heartache; and what's so good about that right? I just want to stop :)

No more, I really can't take any more of this... It's really not worth it. Not anymore, I used to think that it was alright-- love is the purest thing out there, no matter how many guys or how much society has tainted it to be some shit thing. Cause wow this society is pretty much sexual or lust-driven. I was always so hopeful that something wonderful would happen, I used to think that love was (corny pulang ni) more powerful than anything in the world... hehehehehehehehe.... BUT NOW, shit, I'll just focus on money and knowledge for power.

LOVE IS OVERRATED-- I think too highly of the "phenomenon", but heck, no more! That is why I am not going to even THINK about saying "I do" to any guy. I don't want to get engaged anymore. Bu-gi (my advisor about love) has made it totally clear that I can be awesome without a ring on my finger. Alright, fuuuurreaaalzzzz... I am going to stop talking about my love life from now on.

I may from time to time, talk about things related to love-- cause I still believe in love, just well, not for myself. I was too much of a hopeless romantic that I have become hopeless in anything "romantic". HAHAHA. oh the freaking irony just throws me into a fit of mirth. hew hew hew...

Who am I kidding? I didn't take this realization all that "well", to be honest. I am not having a laugh at having my hopes crushed okay? :( But meh, at least I'm facing this with a slight maturity... I won't be envious of anyone in love just because mine hasn't happened.

Byeeeeeeeee...