Done, from now on.

Why are there so many things in life that you can't be sure of...? Why is it that even as I grow older, there are still so many things I cannot bring myself to understand... In fact right, if anything~ the list of things that I'm unsure of is getting even longer! D: For instance... I thought that with every relationship I get myself into with the guys I've been with... You would think, okay, with experience you'd get a better understanding of how relationships work or you get better with practice. But oh my, was I ever wrong~ It doesn't get better, it just gets more... complicated. It's either I'm dating more complicated men-- OR (here's a bright idea) I'm just too complicated! I think complications attract problems.

Now, why do I think I'm complicated? Easy! I think too much~ I dissect every little thing; I try to find reason, I try to find explanations-- always trying to fucking understand why a person acts a certain way, coming up with theories of my own (but I won't say I'm always right) and then either giving the benefit of the doubt, let shit slide or maybe even try to fix it. (It's freaking annoying to be honest-- that I always have to do this). Did this for every relationship I ever had... And it didn't help that none of the guys were truly... "nice". No wonder I'm single and not able to find a steady, stable relationship~ They aren't exactly guys who can be made into a dependable husband. Boyfriends for some good ol' fun? A crazy time? Perhaps. But anything more? MEH, maybe not. I still stupidly hoped that they could turn into a husband material though.

THE SAD THING IS THOUGH? I would always find myself overlooking or well, looking past all their flaws, and I'd love them with all their stupid flaws and all... see, when I fall, I become so blind-- it's almost frustrating. It's like, if I weren't me I would want to slap myself so hard on the face with a brick! Frustrating, sometimes I wish I had alter-ego who would take over my life and just... get me to stop caring so much about wanting to understand those "poor misunderstood creatures". I truly did love every last one of my ex boyfriends...HEHEHEHEHE. I won't deny that you all did give me good memories-- great ones even, but not the best... Because why? Everything ended in one person getting a heartache; and what's so good about that right? I just want to stop :)

No more, I really can't take any more of this... It's really not worth it. Not anymore, I used to think that it was alright-- love is the purest thing out there, no matter how many guys or how much society has tainted it to be some shit thing. Cause wow this society is pretty much sexual or lust-driven. I was always so hopeful that something wonderful would happen, I used to think that love was (corny pulang ni) more powerful than anything in the world... hehehehehehehehe.... BUT NOW, shit, I'll just focus on money and knowledge for power.

LOVE IS OVERRATED-- I think too highly of the "phenomenon", but heck, no more! That is why I am not going to even THINK about saying "I do" to any guy. I don't want to get engaged anymore. Bu-gi (my advisor about love) has made it totally clear that I can be awesome without a ring on my finger. Alright, fuuuurreaaalzzzz... I am going to stop talking about my love life from now on.

I may from time to time, talk about things related to love-- cause I still believe in love, just well, not for myself. I was too much of a hopeless romantic that I have become hopeless in anything "romantic". HAHAHA. oh the freaking irony just throws me into a fit of mirth. hew hew hew...

Who am I kidding? I didn't take this realization all that "well", to be honest. I am not having a laugh at having my hopes crushed okay? :( But meh, at least I'm facing this with a slight maturity... I won't be envious of anyone in love just because mine hasn't happened.

Byeeeeeeeee...