Thursday, December 29, 2011

Kaling majal.

Okay, that sounds rather racist, but Bruneians have this expression of saying "jangan majal ani, kaling saja majal" hahahahahaha... so look what I found :p or rather, look what my sister so kindly shared with the family on our little family chat on whatsapp the other day XD HEHEHEHEHEHEHE...




Do you know why this picture is the epitome of "kaling majal"? HAHAHA. It's pretty obvious :p 

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

pink. black. white.

Why, I've been thinking of starting a  black-white project " thing... I've been giving myself things to do as a little loner for the holidays. LOL. sounds pathetic right? But you know what, I guess I need time away from friends and cousins and family~ I've been thinking of activities that only requires one person. Yep, that would be me, the lone wolf :p 

Sometimes I kind of think I don't really need 'need' them? But I guess it's out of habit that I tend to look for company, but I fare just well without them. I guess this is what Fakhrul meant by how I should find myself first as a person since I was always so attached to the thought of being a 'two-people party' when I was in a relationship for the longest time of my life. That's why I seem to be vying for company. Oh yuck, I sound so reliant on others. OH WOW, it seems so obvious now that I've put that down into writing.... *cough* okay, aku malu... lolololololololoololol. SO SORRY MI AMIGAS AND AMIGOS-- if I seem too clingy towards ya :p 

BUT ANYHOO, I shall start on photo series :) I've realised that all through out my life, I've always not voiced out my thoughts in a verbal manner. I do it through writing, sketches, painting, cooking, backing and even betukang! (that's woodwork for you) LOL. Did you know before my O'levels... I made myself a notice board.... like frames and stuff... LOL. and mind you~ this was like 2 days before my first exam! I was too nervous that I just had to take my mind off it. So I rummaged through my dad's tool box and took out hammer, nails, got some leftover wood from the store and that small chainsaw thing and I got bricks from outside to be the work-station 'stand'. You know, sometimes, I myself am kinda surprise how guyish that seems... -___-); I'm really a bunch of everything rolled into one. I supposed that's why this blog is called little miss a bit of everything :p OMG! totally digressed there... anyways, back to what I was saying...

I find that I just put out my frustration, guilt, sadness, confusion and whatever emotions I have through these various outlets... And well, eversince I got a camera phone when I was in year 7, I've developed another way of venting out emotions-- by way of photo-taking :D

I am seriously artsy fartsy. LOL. I put fartsy at the end, because I know it comes across as being fuxking pretentious to others and besides I think I'm an amateur. For this pink-black-white series, I've edited two pictures :) One of my niece and one of myself ;)





Simple yeah? But I think simplicity can be quite classy ;) too much can turn anything to be gaudy tbh. 

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

A story - revised.

A failed love story; but still every bit worthy to be told just as your successful ones~


If there's one thing that I've kept with me, something that I've always desired and wanted, throughout the years of growing up; is my hopeful naiveté of finding that one true love. For me, 'love' is a privilege everyone has a right to have, but not always smart enough to cherish, because love has a way of being taken for granted: the four lettered word with all its' complexities, its' tremendous influence - that has bitten and befallen each and every one of us. Some might have not felt love in their lives, but I can honestly say, they have yet to find it. All it takes, is a little hope, a bit of faith, an open heart and the courage of letting someone in.

One thing I've learned though, is that during the early years of my life -- my brainwashed perspective of love used to be so simple, so beautiful and well-- I blame Disney for that; I thought that if you loved someone enough, you'll get through any obstacles that come your way and if you sincerely put your heart on your sleeve there's a definite chance your love would be reciprocated. But how true does this statement ring, do you think? Well, it's a delightful lie society shoved down my throat in my years of adolescence. Something that I had to learn the hard way of course, but let's not get ahead of my story...

I was in my early teens-- a blossoming beauty, so inexperienced in matters of love; the times of experience was through movies, read it through books and such -- this lack of experience was what caused my confusion of love with the shallow flattery that the opposite sex would throw at my feet. Sweet words of countless boys back then did me no good, it poisoned my sense of sensibility. Little did I know, when I began to venture into the world of romance at the time, I was actually making a mockery of the word 'love', all the relationships I had then were nothing but empty flings one after the other. I suppose that's when everyone's childish tendencies towards love would start-- mine was exceptionally more childish because I went through boyfriends like they were no more than toys I purchased off of the stores' shelves.

I was insipid, reckless and fickle. A part of me wishes that particular past of mine never existed, I besmirched my own expectations of what love should be. Although, the only good that came out of it was that I found that it helped me differentiate between what was merely a temporary high and a grounding revelation of emotions.The thing about love, is that it can be found at the oddest of places, happens at the most unexpected of times and it can affect even the best of us. It's crazy how you would go out of your way to make that other person happy, how much of yourself would somehow change and grow into wanting to be better for that other person.

It was only in college that I realised nothing great or profound would come out of anything so short-term and superficial because anything that came out of such things was only short-lived and it left me feeling like shit most of the time. It used to make me think I was desirable the fact that I could barely remember how many boyfriends I've had. It was not that I was easy, getting me to fall for you was hard, but getting me to lose all feelings for you was so much easier on my part.

So, I remember thinking about all my past relationships with the guys in my life and wondering if any of them ever meant anything. The big question I've now asked myself, that no one can seem to answer in a quantitative, easily understandable, logical answer is: "How do you know if he's the one?" That one person that can make all the wrongs seem so right, who -- like in the movies -- would stand by you through anything; come hell or high waters, that one person would still love you unconditionally.

Just when I thought love was a guise men made up to get women to sleep with them in our hopeless pursuit of wanting to have a taste of that sweet wholesome love; I got a little morsel of it- a serving of something more long-term, real and worthy of being deemed as 'love'. The first of many before him, he was the guy that I truly loved and cared for, so naturally, I sought out to give him the best of me, he was enough, satisfying and most importantly, he was mine. I did anything and everything for him... I defended his integrity, supported his dreams and shared all his burden. Not once did I want anyone else, he was the perfect imperfection that I could live with and the sweet sincerity that I couldn't live without.................. or so I thought.

As a couple we had our problems of course, but then... I was blind. I couldn't see that promises were being broken, too hurtful words were being said and inconsiderate actions were being done. I was mistreated, but I didn't see it at the time, because I believed in every single assuring word he softly said in my ear. I believed it every single time when he said I was his future; the only one in his heart and that no one came close to competing with me. I was his girl, his only choice.

It could have been the distance between us or the dwindling passion that used to consume us, but it was there, like a sore thumb that stuck out -- after a while it was all too much, the air about us became uneasy; it was a painful reminder of the inevitable...I felt him slowly slipping away, he began to act disinterested all too suddenly and all too much. I feared of losing him completely to the world around us -- I would rather fight for what I believe could last, rather than admit that it was hopeless to fight a losing battle. It wasn't me to just let it be, but I was entertaining what seemed to be an act of stupidity. I openly showed my insecurities in the hopes of wanting to be assured and consoled. He did nothing of the sort, he only waved it aside as one of my antics to get his attention. That should have been sign enough, you'd think? But no...

I still thought nothing of it. I shoved those negative thoughts away, maybe I was just imagining things, I made excuses for him to make myself feel better. Pathetic! At times when I vented my frustration out in the open, he would get mad, so I held it in almost to the brink of being broken. Weak! I truly was in denial and too hopeful in thinking that he would revert back to his old self. The truth of the matter is, I had lost him a while back. I lost him to temptation, a temptation in the form an unscrupulous little slut who preyed on him despite knowing he was taken. But hey, it takes two to tango-- and he sure as hell didn't hesitate to dance to the sounds of infidelity.

It crushed me when the truth got out. I was helpless and weak... I detested him and more than anything I detested myself for letting him be the reason why I began to run my mouth off his shortcomings... I drank my sorrows away, let myself go a little too much, I was out of control and a mess. All the while when I was mourning (in my own crazy way) of our loss of what was (to me) a beautiful love, he was already starting to fall for someone else. Yes, this is how it looks when a love fails... But later I learned that the only one to blame is the one who changed, which was him... I stayed faithful and honest, because I saw what could have been if he had only tried hard enough, he would have himself a great woman by his side.

It's never easy for anyone to have found their love and then losing it to someone else. It's also hard when you try forgetting about them, because it has become a habit for those in love to associate things with their source of happiness, who knew that those same memories of association could turn painfully bitter. It breaks my heart every time I take a whiff of his familiar scent, my throat tightens when I take a familiar road that leads to a place that held our memories, my heart aches whenever I see traces of our relationship in the places we've been to and to the places we had plan on going to.

Recently, I've asked myself, time and time again; is love really worth the pain? Honestly, it's courageous of anyone to take the risk, you might either be plunging to your death by baring your soul to another person like that only on the slightest hopeful assumption that he feels the same way OR you could have probably made the best investment of a lifetime; a guy who is, in every way a physical, emotional and spiritual fulfillment that can do nothing but good to your existence.

After all that has happened, I still wish to love. Naïve, stupid or stubborn, I don't know which I am exactly~ Though sometimes, it's best to focus on other things other than your broken heart. For me, I look to a friend to get my mind distracted and when I talk to him even for a bit, I find myself smiling. I don't think it's because I've fallen for him; but I know for sure that he's a great reminder of a guy who can be a man about facing things with a mature air about him. I would want a guy like that one day. Never ever stop wanting to feel in love. One can always take a break... but never ever stop. I know I'm not ready to commit any time soon, but it's vital I keep an open mind (or rather, an open heart).

Despite everything that has happened, no matter how much it hurts and how long the pain lasts... I'm glad that I can still feel. Maybe one day, I'll find him, the true love of my life, not some cheap knock off, made in China.









 © Anyss Suhaimi .  

Sunday, December 11, 2011

I've lost it!

I seem to have lost my shopping mojo. Usually, if you give me $600. I will freaking spend it in just an hour on at least 4 tops! Give me another $600 and I will buy two pair of shoes and a small selection of make up :) and u give me another $600 I'll buy myself a couple of bras and panties and give me more money? I'll find some other useless and (sometimes) useful random shit to spend on~ like little trinkets or perhaps even on nice duvets and whatnot!

If you've noticed I mentioned the amount $600 because yes, I had that much to shop with and I simply did not know what to buy... Or even found anything I wanted to spend on. I'm criminally more unlike myself than I originally thought I was. How shit!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

awesome

Short post. Thought I should share this...

I have an inkling towards, wait no, that's not the right word for it... rather, I kinda have a slight attachment to the word "AWESOME". I used awesome a lot. So much that sometimes, friends around me get sucked into saying the stupid phrases I say with awesome... =/ I'm sorry. LOL. It just shows I say it too much, really. 

Like Awesome Possum. I say it, type it, think it... whatever~ I basically like using that phrase "Awesome Possum." Right now though, I'm starting to take my level of lameness to a whole 'notha level~ I say rawrsome. LOL. fucking dork... wtf is up with the rawr right.... I get easily brainwashed with anything that has awesome in it. HEHEEHEE.

PU.
.....
WEEE... TEH. 


that's a code for you baby girl ;) mwa!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

4 pic collage


I've been playing around with photo apps on my iPhone a lot... thus, the reason why I have all these photos of myself in this collage-like shots. x)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Buh-lud ta-eeps

Hello there~

I've taken an interest in something again! :D Thought I'd do a bit of research on it and see what interesting things I can find. So uhmmm... this time 'round I've been thinking about blood types a lot :) You know the whole shenanigan about how blood types reflect personalities? Yeah... got me curious so I just had to find out about it. Read a few things online, scientifically and then in more general terms and then there's even a cultural thing going on! :O I've found a very interesting bit of thing to explore here people! Yes, exams being over has totally forced me to think of my love issues *scoffs* studying had helped me ignore them-- but like, since it's over now, I have to find other means of distracting myself! =____=)

Here are the bloody types
Type A’s are the most artistic of the groups. They can be shy, cautious, conscientious, reliable, trustworthy, and sensitive. They can also be overcautious, picky, arrogant, and reckless when drunk.

Type B’s are the individualists of the blood group categories and find their own way in life. Type B personalities can be curious, bright, cheerful, enthusiastic, independent, sensitive, and unpredictable. They can also be superficial, unreliable, selfish, unpredictable, indiscreet, lazy, and impatient.

AB Types have a lot of friends, but they need time to be alone and think things through, as well. They can be both outgoing and shy, confident and timid. While responsible, too much responsibility will cause a problem. They are trustworthy and like to help others. Type AB personalities can be sensitive, considerate, careful, and efficient. They can also be strict, moody, easily offended, critical, and standoffish.

Type O’s are outgoing, and very social. They are initiators, although they don’t always finish what they start. They appear to be levelheaded and trustworthy, but they often slip and make big blunders inadvertently. That is also the what makes O Types lovable. Creative and popular, they love to be the center of attention and appear very self confident. Type O personalities can be carefree, generous, independent, flexible, idealistic, goal-oriented, athletic, competitive, and adaptable. They can also be clumsy, flighty, jealous, greedy, unreliable, obsessive lover, vain loudmouths.

HAHAHHAHAAHHAHA.... Mmmmmkaaaay~ I've taken the time to ask a few people what their blood types are... and the results are... well, almost accurate at some parts. I need to widen my scope more and see just how valid this shit is man... Oh, I'm a blood type B. But then again, I might be slightly different that what's mentioned here cause I've a 'positive' at the end. Yes, a B+ blood type ;)

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Hola~


I actually really like this drawing O_O I think it's because it's soooooo... "fluttery" lol. like an air of innocence or purity or something~ LOL. Iunno man, I just felt happy after I completed this. So I gave it those soft pastel colors to match the 'softness' that I felt. *snickers* What the hell has come over me??? That sounded so dumb. 



Before I added the colors:


The W.I.P. shot x) hehehe:




SO......... I've been coping with life. I think I got over my qualms about life because right now, I am more focused on trying to not be so confused about my feelings for a certain someone *sigh* I would have thought as I get older I wouldn't have to deal with things so petty as this. I feel like it's a backward bending curve or something. The fact that I'm sketching again is sure enough proof that I have unsolved issues in my head -_____-); OH WELL! at least I got to draw something that made me smile in the end. 

Thursday, November 24, 2011

BlipBlopBlap

Yeah... Outfits. Just a few things I mixed and matched.
They're all pretty simple x) This was from October and November. I didn't do this type of shots much....


First one I ever did :) started in October.

Second~ to show off the bag. (october as well)

Third one, to show the dress... lol this was in November.







*waves* I just got bored again... but woooo~ at least I posted all my drafts :D OLD PHOTOS ARE OSM.

Monday, November 21, 2011

1987 hotties.


Choi SeungHyun a.k.a. TOP from Big Bang.

Jay Park (Park JaeBom)

Lee MinHo. 

OH MY LORD. I must have a thing for (korean) guys born in 1987 or something~! LOL.
It can't be a coincidence ;) it just CAN'T BE! x) lol. Okay yeah... *fans self* I must calm down. 

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

My 21st....

Okay yeah, my 21st wasn't EPIC~! or anything... But it came really close though :) I spent the night at The Empire Hotel and Country Club. Had a birthday dinner with my friends and family at Charcoal. Watched a movie and shopped for clothes a bit. Played wii "just dance 2" each time we were in the hotel room and I was sweating like crazy~ & yes, you got that right! I totally brought my wii along to the hotel (^^,) Just to have something else to do if we're not talking and gossiping with each other. I love having those "girly times"; a girl's night in is the best remedy for all things related to petty life issues :p

Hehehehe cupcakes were from 4 of my girlfriends that planned on the surprise thing. I so fucking love them, I'd marry all four of 'em if I was a dude. BANAR. lol. Speaking of surprises... they did that a lot. Some together and some on their own and sometimes repeatedly as a group or individually. How awesome are they to have been supportive of my gloomy outlook on my birthday? x) Heh~ see, a guy would never be as sweet as this. Not even any of my ex boyfriends would do it. The most they-- and by that I mean guys in general -- would do pun bawa makan and make me laugh here and there. Not saying I don't appreciate that, but you know, it's generic :p (Grateful for that though) But yes, I just want to emphasize on why sometimes having gal friends can be nice in the whole celebration and supportive thing.


Hehehehe... anyways, birthday sounds fun huh? I suppose it was a great one, but shit, I just don't like the situation I'm in at this supposedly 'epic' age :') My life isn't what I would have hoped it to be at this age. But it's okay... life would get better soon, wouldn't it?

But hokai, I shall stop sounding like an ungrateful little bitch :) My birthday was great!! :D not everyone would do it in the midst of exam week btw. LOL! But I so fucking did, cause I'm SO hardcore (*scoff*) like that~ ;) I think I have permanent menstrual syndrome, so that's why I was such a wet blanket for my own 21st. LIKEEE HELLOOOO~ It was as if I had a freaking mid-life crisis at age 21 x) hah! But I laughed a lot too :) FUN FUN FUN *rebecca black style* LOL. 

This was the few that could spend time with me at the hotel on my day :) 



Went for a walk around the hotel... I was secretly trying to look for a "biawak", whilst taking in the beautiful environment and taking pictures of it in the process :p Behold~ pictures of my friends and the scenery. 






Yah okay... I just wish Zatie could have been there with me too :) and Muai too and Qilah.... and and Yeah Nabilah Johari. You've been out of our lives for god knows what reason, but yeah bitch I wished you were there too. Freaking reminiscent when I was looking at the sea outside my freaking room man.


GOSH. I am so emosi. Bah adangtah... Time to study like a slaveeeee~ ;) I will not stop till I hurl from a brain overload on freaking all things business-y *gag* :p Thank you to everyone that called me up, that texted me, tweeted me, greeted me on my facebook wall, oh and that one person who sent me a voice clip and that one person who skyped with me just to show me the gift he's sending over all the way from the US.

BUT, extra special thanks to my PARENTS ♥ ♥ my siblings :) and my friends; (alphabetically) Faie, Fiqah, Liana, Nabs and Neeza ;) But yeah, everyone is equally sweet and awesome!


HEEHEE. I you all :) *BIG GROUP HUG*

Saturday, November 12, 2011

:)

I love it when a guy has a nice smile...


...and I love it when I'm the one that caused that nice smile ;)

♥ J 

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

MAKE-UP





Put on some make-up and did my hair in a bun. lol. Lovely~ ^_^ hehehe... I've been very jobless lately *shrug*


Friday, November 4, 2011

Nature.


For every single time I feel like I've lost sight of what I want... and I tend to get a little crazy; I look to nature. Something about looking at how vast the world is makes me stay humbled-- or rather, sane :) It just makes me feel like I shouldn't be too depressed about what's happened in life. It doesn't exactly give me have a sense of what I should do though-- I'm still as lost as ever, but at least I'm not at the brink of insanity. 


In silent wonderment....
I behold the beauty of nature...
& for a while I don't feel so stressful.
Other nature pictures, ones that I edited :)








I've been feeling very... errr... "melancholic" a whole lot lately. It's like I have people who can make me laugh and smile, guys who give me attention... But I just feel quite empty from time to time. I feel like a kid-- so small, so helpless against the harsh reality. 

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Been busy...

I've been drawing a couple of times lately... lol... 
BUT, 
before that... here.


I have no fuxking idea if those traits apply to me. Whadaya reckon eh? lol.


I call this... "hormones." Roflmao.


Actually, this wasn't initially 'me'-- so I didn't think of doing a self-portrait. But I kind of showed it to... whatshisname? Oh yes, Muiz and Najib~ and Coco too... they all thought it looked like me... so as a finishing touch I gave the picture the outfit I've worn before x) So yeah, it's a self portrait I guess? *shrugs*


Yeah, uhmmm... this was really a sloppy job~ But I think it's purrrrteh non the less.... At an amateur level, I know. But freaking hell. I'm still so awesome ;D


I call this the 'faceless evil kitty'. HAHAHAHA. This is so cincau. Only because I got boredddd halfway. So yeaaaaah... I'll leave it at that and try to pass it off as me trying to be 'artsy fartsy' :D

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

First of November


Hello... November :)

Please be kind to me; otherwise all I can see is the fear of the unknown, every time I take a step towards the future.











"I'm  coming home, I'm coming home,



tell the world that I'm coming home.



let the rain wash away,



all the pain of yesterday,



I know my kingdom awaits,



and they've forgiven my mistake,



I'm coming home, I'm coming..."

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Mmmmm

It has been a while huh... I don't know what to put up... Lol. here....



MA LEGSZZZZZ.... 

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Alienware.



Ta-dah! New laptop!


Uhmmmm yeah... I got the m14x. I haven't gotten 'round to editing it yet. Looks so much like a dude's laptop right now :p hahahaha...

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Told you so~!

Good morning :) I'm feeling a lot like myself again. I was stuck in a bit of a rut because of one thing and I was just putting the blame on everything else.

Now that I've got that one thing sorted out. I really feel like I've grown a little, just by a smidgen though.

Honestly, I take it back! I take back what ive said a couple of posts earlier~ It's been an exciting time for me :) I don't care if my way of letting out my frustration was a little unorthodox, it was good for me and it'll just be another one of my past experiences.

LG life is good lolololololololol random~!

Hmmm so I'm up early~ as usual. Oh, I slept for 5hours again... Barely even. I don't know why but my biological clock insists that I wake up early~ like at 7:30am is the latest time my own body allows me to wake up.

The longest I've gone without sleeping was 32hours. I miss those days when I'll stay up all day and night and being able to pull off looking like ive slept so as to not get anyone to notice~ but that was my limit; can't go over 32. After that I conked out and slept for half a day or sth xD hmmm... But I was a grouch though~ that part couldn't be controlled or held back hahaha~

So for a girl who says she loves romance and love. It's taking me a while to find a guy I like huh? Problem is, no one in Brunei is good looking...LOL. So mean of me hehe... :p But well, I haven't met a guy that could make me smile or blush just by looking at him.

I'm tired honestly :) men tire me out. They exhaust my tolerance level, my understanding and my efforts. But most of all, I hate how people can't accept the fact that men can be just a friend to me. How immature and close minded of everyone to think that I can't care for a guy without them thinking I like him.

Like give me a fucking break, stop spewing nonsense; if I liked a guy he'd be my boyfriend in no time. Well not instantly, but it sure as hell won't take him long to make a move because guys aren't stupid enough to let a girl they like, who likes them back, to go just like that~ if they're like that, then they're shit guys who don't have balls, but I wouldn't have entertained a guy like that in the first place.

If I'm nice to a guy-- I dont like him~ if I openly say his name, I don't like him. I'm a little complicated... If I like a guy or well, considering to be romantically involved; I don't spend much time with him and I'm not that nice.

I treat my girlfriends nicely~ I spend a lot of time with them, cook for them, watch movies with them, help them out with whatever they want help with, ask them to keep me company, I'm protective of them, cry if they're hurting, hug them and I can act manja with them... I talk about them~ tweet about them~ tease them.

So yeah, does that mean I'm into girls!? Because that same treatment I apply to my guy friends and all of a sudden pooof!! I like the guy or we have sth going on. It's stupid. I treat my friends of both sexes the same way.

And if any of my friends think I'm being a lesbian or if the guy thinks I like them then you're just stupid. Or maybe I need to change how I am with people~ but fuck it, I'm awesome, I shouldn't change.

I'm lovable as I am. So that goes to show I'm doing alright as a person. *sigh* one class got cancelled today... But a replacement class cropped up. So I still have to go to campus...

I think I'll go jog after class and see how far I can push myself. From now on, I'll try to live every day as if it's my last... sounds like a good plan! :)

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Coco!

Nilly poo and the gifts I got her :)

We were exchanging gifts you see. My package arrived to her just yesterday :) I'm happy she likes them, but I have yet to send her everything *sigh* I suppose I'll send another package soon enough :D

Saturday, September 24, 2011

"Sexy lips" lol

I played around with colours the other day :) one of my favs! Hehe that lip colour was a mixture of three different lipstick/lipgloss :3

Thursday, September 22, 2011

No direction

I honestly don't know why but I just felt like blogging about what's on my mind right now. I don't quite have anyone to talk to as of now so I (yes, pathetically) have to turn to this space to pour out my thoughts...

I'm a mess! For the past week, life has thrown a bunch of sh-- "stuff" my way. My swearing curve has also shot up in just these two days. I'm swearing in Malay a lot lately... Which means something is seriously bothering me; if I have to resort to the harsh sounding language of Malay to swear.

I pretend that I dont know why, but I know very well why I'm starting to avoid human interactions again... I have to say though~ the person that I've been telling things to, the person I thought would have been the most awesome friend ever, has well... Nevermind. I'd rather not think about that person right now.

I feel like a mess because things have turned topsy turvy again. Perhaps it's one of those rude awakenings? Do you think maybe I don't have anyone who can truly fall for me, is because God wanted to save me the heartache of making that person suffer for me later on?

Above anything else, the worst heartache I could feel is that of someone I care for. If that person suffers, I'd have suffer with them along with the guilt of having made them worry :( You could imagine how hard it would be if I had the greatest guy be a part of my life and then I had to say goodbye to him way too soon.

So yes, if that was the case. Please God, don't ever find me love... They say love can be found at the worst of times. I say, I'd rather not have anyone by my side during such times. I think the drawback of having too much emotions is your own emotion can be the death of you. Especially if it consumes you for days on end and the memories of it would still linger on for quite a bit.

A good friend of mine told me. I should love myself and find what I truly want in this lifetime... I'm thinking he's right about that. Ever since my break up, I've done things... Agreed to things that I never should have, because look where it's gotten me now? I'm left to think, although it wasn't regrettable, it was so short lived. I feel somewhat cheated~

Then what happens? I feel like a lost puppy cause I have no clue what has happened. And the cherry on top of it is another sh-- bad thing happened. I open up to the one person that seemed to have always been there for me for the past few months and I feel rather pushed away instead :( pitiful really. And everyone else? Well I love all of you but somehow it doesn't feel right to say what I feel inside. Not just yet...

But what takes the big FAT cake is that, I feel so fake and I hate being fake. That's why I show my ugliness or I openly bitch about something, because I know later on I'd have just said what I need to say to let off steam. But right now, it seems like I'm faking every single thing!! I want to let go of this stupid façade. It complicates things, I know that... But i can't help it :'(

What I really need right now... Is a shoulder to cry on. I can't seem to reach out to anyone. I can't reach to that good friend of mine I mentioned earlier who gave me a bit of an advice... cause he's got a girl and that would be stupid of me to wanna be consoled by him. Unnecessary problems would arise. What's more is the other person who seems to be so out of touch right now makes me wish I hadn't open up in the first place~

Was I wrong to do so? But it seemed like that that person was open and deserving though :/ *sigh* makes me wonder~ am I more family oriented of friend oriented or am I I'm general just relationship oriented? :/

Okies... Have a great day everyone :) I'll be okay actually. Now that I've let this out a little~ sometimes it's better to say things out cause then you'd be able to look at it again and dissect every thing you've said into a more non-emotional fashion. Lalalalaa~ Ima be cheerful again by next week! I just know it :3

Friday, September 16, 2011

Knowledge Management.


Here's a short literature review I did for a course I'm taking... Hmmm... It's a course in Knowledge Management in UBD. And while I was writing this out, I remember thinking, wow, this was my actual first real essay/assignment... why is this semester's workload so... little? Although, the tutorials have been quite intensive *shrug* Anyways... I was reading through... and I've come to realise that I NEED TO CHANGE my style of writing... it seems so... nyeh... I don't know, I wouldn't take me seriously! XD lols. But really, anyone care to teach me how to write better in a more academic way? I'm pretty much stumped in that area *sigh* Anyways, content might be crap cause this was all done within 15 hours -- yes, that includes research, reading and writing time... The hours was spread out between two days, heh... Plus, I remember being a total grouch doing this - half asleep too!


Anyways! I'm not looking for you to judge on the content -- but yeah, the style of writing? Yes, please... :( HALP.


Traditional to Modern Methods of Knowledge Management and issues involved in KM

Davenport and Prusack defined knowledge as something that “is a high value form of information that is ready to apply to decisions and actions.” The history of managing knowledge dates back to even the earliest years of Before Christ (B.C.). Although much is to be argued about such claims; however, recorded history indicates that people back then have also taken the initiative to store information, or rather-- knowledge that they have accumulated. An example of this is the famous library of classical antiquity, Library of Alexandria in Egypt. Although, it is said that the data or information that was stored within the walls of the Library of Alexandria held over half a million documents from Assyria, Greece, Persia, Egypt, India and many other nations. The insurmountable amount of information, although stated to be a rough estimate, is quite overwhelming. Moreover, not only did the library store (a shocking amount of) information, it was said that scholars gathered there to do research, discuss findings and also give lectures. In a sense, the library itself was an organization or entity, that has obviously pertained to the characteristics which defines 'Knowledge Management' (KM) or managing knowledge. 

During the early years, information was stored in a significantly different way as opposed to how it is being stored today. Back then, before alphabets came to fruition, humans used symbols to convey the information they possessed, it was recorded on various things like leaves, cloth and even ceramics. After that it improved to paper with inks in quills and decades after that, with the arrival of printing news (papers); which accelerated the rate of the quantity of information was being circulated and with it the technology for creating and storing said information has been steadily increasing too. As thus, the Internet was created - till this day it remains as one of the biggest force that affects the managing of knowledge, what with all its' abundance in readily accessible information that can be found globally.

The advancement in technology and the need to capture, store and distribute knowledge are somewhat related to one another. Throughout the course of history of mankind, we could evidently see that the invention of alphabetic writing together with the expansion of more and more new information was accompanied by developments in technologies of the recording of media and devices which would help in the managing of knowledge. In recent years however, the much more widely known form of technological advancement that has effectively change the course of how Knowledge Management is perceived in today's Modern Era, is the arrival of the Internet, as has been mentioned before this. One could actually say that Knowledge Management has become more advanced and more "technology-based", it is said that in the late 1990s - was when the initial interest in Knowledge Management for Business began, a lot of Business Services and large-scale IT-based Knowledge Management systems was adopted by a lot of organizations. With that said, although Knowledge Management is often facilitated by IT, it does not mean that technology itself is a form of Knowledge Management.

Now, with regards to the newfound interest during the late 1990s, it's safe to say that this was the tipping or rather, starting point of which Knowledge Management was starting to be perceived as a useful tool. The attention and amount of keen interest generated at the time could have may well been the trend of the new economy! With it a lot of organizations and businesses started incorporating Knowledge Management into their system. The big question is, why do these entities use Knowledge Management as a "managing tool"? To put it succinctly, the use of KM can and has potentially provide benefits to these organizations; in today's world where intellectual asset has a far greater value compared to physical assets, KM is very useful. Practitioners of KM are able to play their intellectual assets to the greatest advantage in a way that by using the concept of KM, it serves as a way to share, collaborate and disseminate knowledge.

More importantly, the end result of a well-designed KM program is that everyone wins, due to the free flow of ideas people can be more innovative, respond time of service providers to their customers is improved since information or knowledge is readily available, which would also mean time is also managed properly as they do not have to go through unnecessary steps thus boosting process time. It also provides as a means of incentive for individuals if they are rewarded or acknowledged for their contributions and lastly, if a case of mass retirement were to occur, the experienced workers' knowledge would have still be retained, thus saving a lot of costs. 

All in all, the essence or the major idea of how Knowledge Management had come about is due to the attempts of organizing and storing records of important processed data, i.e. information that is of high or great value for future references; a way of guiding new transactions of information and a way to prevent the loss of knowledge for future generations.

However, there are still certain issues that need to be looked at with regards to matters of Knowledge Management:

The problem of organizing explicit and tacit knowledge:

With the initial problem of not all information is valuable or can be considered as 'knowledge', there is another problem related to it and that is the way in which knowledge can be acquitted. In general, anything intellectual or knowledge-based, is classified into either two categories, namely whether the knowledge is explicit or tacit in nature. As the name itself suggests, explicit knowledge would be relatively easier to acquire compared to tacit knowledge. Anything that can be documented, coded, recorded or archived is considered to be explicit knowledge. Tacit knowledge on the other hand is a whole different thing; it is basically knowledge that an individual possesses, it is the intellectual capacity within a person's head that he or she has stored due to their own personal experience, deduction or understanding. The greatest challenge or issue for KM is trying to grasp these tacit knowledge and being able to recognize, to share and to manage it.

Hierarchical vs. Organic KM:

One of the major issues in KM is the debate on whether it should be hierarchical or organic in nature. As the name of the latter term implies, the school of thought that Knowledge Management should be "natural", is called the "Knowledge Ecology" approach. This approach was a derivative from the scientific research on Complex Adaptive Systems (CAS) in which it supports the idea that there is a Natural Knowledge Management System (NKMS). It is thought that amy organizations that is comprised of autonomous individuals, teams and groups, each with their own self-organized that produces knowledge would then naturally be adapted within the organizations themselves in order to adapt to their environments and also as a means to maintain their identity. They believe that without the interference of management knowledge would sufficiently function on its' own in performing and managing knowledge. 

Unlike that of the Newtonian approach, that supports the idea of a hierarchical nature, which relies on creating and implementing a well articulated form of governing of knowledge production and knowledge integration by the designated knowledge managers. However, another observation that can be made regarding the claims of the NKMS, is whether or not they are "natural", or is it also primarily because of the previous management that have intervened in the organizational system? In which case, reverts back to the point that perhaps to a large extent Knowledge Management should be hierarchical and governed by a manager of sorts.


Knowledge Management and Culture:

Another issue in KM are the barriers that Culture poses on the transferring and sharing of knowledge within an organization. Culture here has a broader meaning, which therefore means that there are a few definitions of culture that we need to look at, which would affect the effectiveness of knowledge management. In order for KM to function well, a culture would have to first be revised or changed.

Culture in terms of historical definition; culture is a social heritage or tradition that is passed on to future generation. As it is, this is applicable to KM in a way that organizations have their own 'corporate culture', which means that there are certain traditions or values that may prove to be difficult to change as it's existence could have surpassed the coming of a knowledge management system. 

Another is the behavioral definition of culture; culture is a shared, learned human behavior - it is a way of life. This kind of cultural concept is much easier to mould as one can distinguish learned or shared behavior from an organizational socialization standpoint rather than one that is resulted from general socialization (which was introduced since birth). 

The structural definition on the other hand, is; culture consists of patterned and inter-related ideas, symbols or behaviors. Quite a broad meaning, in a sense that it basically sums up that culture is part of our everyday life and that it exists in every aspect of it. 

Therefore, to understand what is meant by there exists a barrier when it comes to knowledge being transferred or shared due to culture; one would first have to clarify the exact term that they are referring to as to effectively go about solving the problem of cultural barriers.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Blogging on the go

Omfg! I'm trying this out for the first time today :D

Very awesome! Now I can really blog on the go~ whenever I feel like making a bitchy update it would be SO CONVENIENT :D

Anyways~ I wonder how it would look like on the pc/laptop/notebook/tablet x)

I am so happy that blogger finally decided to do this hehehe...