I think I've been keeping my emotions at bay... I gave in to grief in the beginning, I dwelled over the past and then I tried shoving the memories out of my head by doing...things and now I just feel like I'm a bad person to have moved on. 1 month was all it took for me to stop loving you. Well not really, I stopped loving you the minute I decided to get rid of everything that reminded me of you-- the overwhelming pain got me going.
Well, at least it helped me cope. I've decided to focus on myself :) No more guys, I'm going through a better place. I feel more like myself than I have in the past 3 years. Now I know why he's always said that I was different from when he first met me. I kind of lost myself, my identity when I was with you.
It used to hurt whenever I breathed;
every waking moment this fragile heart really ached.
I'll need consolation, my pride took a beating. I blame myself for dreaming....
But is it really so wrong to dream?
Is dreaming not worth it? It's not worth the pain.... or is it? *sigh*
I think the break up made me realized that I need to be single and see the world again. I really want to test my 5 senses.... I have not felt so free for a very long time.
But it seems like lately, I'm sitting on fences, not knowing what to do, to act upon my actions or not. I'm putting up walls to shield myself from everyone. Most of all, I think I want to keep my distance, from you, him and everyone of them.
Alone.
Let's be alone for now.
Despite that, I cannot wait for God to give me my future husband soon. I hope he won't let me down. *sigh*
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