The lil darling~

Whenever I look at my nieces or nephew I think of childhood memories. CHILDHOOD; our days of purity and innocence- those blissful days of our lives, when mistakes were forgiven, because we were still learning how to perceive the world and the people in it :) I find that a child's upbringing affects a shitload of how that child will turn out~ It's really frightening isn't it what we all will go through one day? Because how we bring up our child, and how their childhood turns out will reflect greatly on their character~

But I seriously like how my sister raised my niece. She's a good mom, well on most parts, there are some parts where I find it to be unnecessary but my sister's done an awesome job with Aysya :D Anyways, my old love for poetry is resurfacing when I talk about things like this. Here's one of the poems I like, my collection of poetry from other poets. :p not my own okay? lol. It's to do with childhood. I forgot to copy the title down on my book though :/

Some people have a childhood garden
Filled with green and growing things
Some people have a childhood garden
Filled with purple peonies
Mine is sere
Throughout the year
Nothing grows here

Some people have a childhood rainbow
A sea of colors all aglow
Some people have a childhood rainbow
Red to violet in a row
Mine is gray
Bow of clay
Without a ray

Some people have a childhood temple
Covered with a million treasured dreams
Some people have a childhood temple
A sunny Wat of Gods and kings
Mine is plain
Squats in the rain
Functional 'n sane

Where childhood memories abound
Life flows vividly around
Where childhood memories have fled
Hearts lie dead

By Tim Bovee

Sad isn't it? :( *sigh* well alhamdulillah my childhood's above average :p I mean there are certain things I wish didn't happen but whatever x)

My skillsss :p

I have mad interior designing skills. LOL jk jk~ but yeah, I can design stuff :) it's FUUUNN :D I should hone this slight gift I have... hahaha and turn it into something awesome possum! x)


Here's one of the things that I designed ;) There's just something satisfying with seeing the whole thing being put together in real-life :) I'm a tad bit proud of myself. That I can envision things.

This was the first draft of my drawings, with minor verbal adjustments later on made to improve it; because as we all know, making something nice takes time and progressive planning, besides ideas come naturally at the oddest moments.



(oh woops, it's upside down :p)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

AND THEN~ here is how it looks like when "off paper" :D





Well, the whole thing is still incomplete though, but yeah~ feels kinda awesome for me every time I look at it :) Because I know I was the one who envisioned it. These are my sister's built-in furniture that she asked me to draw up and design by the way :)

I might post up the end product, because I think I'm going to help my sister decorate it and stuff. I am so excited for herrrrr and the new room! heheheh... JUST IMAGINE how excited I'll be for my own room nanti! x) huahauahauhaa...

yeah... pity that they haven't even started on my room =/ No matter...

Good things comes to those who wait....
(no matter how impatiently I've waited for it)

Hehehehe okay, well, until next time!

I gots a haircut :3

Awesome Possum yes? :p hehehehe

*grumble*

I am so grumpy as of late...



Cute picture huh? lol.

For some reason, I look at this picture and I see a couple that's going through a fight :p see the black cat is the male cat cause he's got a lil patch of moustache :P hahahah and the grey stripey cat is the chick cat menjaling the dude cat cause he was being mean! hehehe.. Look how prettily she's putting her paws neatly folded in front of her x) so cute.

small rant

I honestly get disgusted when I see people googling profane, perverted and mundane things online and they end up on my site-- THIS SITE. It's mind boggling that without fail, I would have AT LEAST one search hit each month that's of this nature... kenapakan tu? =__=);

I'm also beginning to feel like Faizul is getting too busy for me, though in reality it might not be a bad thing-- I mean, it's not really my place to feel like this because I know he does make time if he can. I just want to prattle on with my petty feelings and see if this leads me to a good place. Evidently, it isn't doing much good... I miss him. I really miss him. To the point of where I want to just gnaw on a random guy and mold his face to look like my baby whilst ghastly gnawing and the poor fellow. EEEEHH~!!! I do not want to turn to a Psycho GF okay? But he likes acting like this... he keeps me on my toes and makes certain things a mystery so I'll be hooked on him. THING IS KAN, he has to let up once in a while AND for a longer period of time nowadays because I just get sooooo... lonely.

I'm trying to be positive for the new year, so far though? Not going well... Y____Y please please please God, jangan jadikan aku org yang suka murkha with the dunia around me. ehhhh...

Buduh facebook ani eh! BUDUH! I hate it now.... hate youuuu for connecting people!! sometimes I want certain people to NOT BE CONNECTED to eachother. *glares angrily* Do not kick me when I'm down! Don't suddenly show me that one person that I dislike being so good friends with someone I don't like OR show me that my goodfriend is suddenly friends with a stupid ex boyfriend of mine AND don't show me what my boyfriend is up to! Though the last one is hardly a recurring thing... He's like so MIA :'(


SOMETIMES SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEFT UNTOUCHED, UNTURNED, UNKNOWN, UNSEEN and UNSAID!



Oh and p/s, I "unfollowed" you because you're a vapid-sounding bitch. You stuck up snob and your need to attach a price to everyone and everything! Screwwww youuu laa!

*ahem* sorry that I sound angry all of a sudden, I went to twitter and facebook and it made me angry.

Red Lips

Is it wrong of me to think that the red lipstick made my lips look sexy? hahahaha...


I think I might jussssst start wearing darker shades of lipstick. Anyways! my hair is so bloody long now~ O_O makes me wonder if I should cut it short soon....


.... yeah like this short?

How about that huh? I had short hair like... 3 years ago. hahaha... excuse the retarded expression! I was in one of my silly spells :p

Farewell 2010

I've to say, I'm the kind of girl who dwells in the past... not saying I live in it per se, I just always have remnants of the past in me; it's like I refer back, maybe think of it and just basically be reminded of the emotions it had put me through. Mostly I dwell on bad memories, constantly thinking of the regrettable things I've done.

I might not show it, but I have a hard time dealing with guilt. I just take it all in, try to do what I can to make it good, but never really... a hundred percent succeed in getting the guilt to go away. But one of the things I've come to realize, that makes it hard for me to look past the past is something about me that makes me who I am~ I think what that is, is that my flaw is so obvious: I procrastinate, I am always guilty of my actions and I don't listen - which makes me unable to learn. Plus, I get easily offended by what people say. (not sure if this makes sense - my logic is illogical kadang2nya)

So sometimes, when I can't handle their criticism, when I take it as if it's an insult and that they're saying those things because they don't love me or they're just so 'judging', then I find that I'm never going to learn! So I blurt our words of whatever I have at the tip of my tongue and sometimes it ain't the best of words... I seriously don't think most of the time. =)

But don't get fooled, I do know when someone is trying to say what's best for me (despite me still getting pissy at them for saying those things) as opposed to someone who's just saying mean things for the sake of being the "superior one" or just out of spite :p I wasn't born yesterday~ I may be naive, but not naive to everything.

So why am I saying this? I suppose I want to say goodbye to these flaws, things that negates me from being a better person. I won't make this my resolution because I have a tendency, like most people - to not follow them through. But you know, I still have trouble forgetting bad memories... sometimes I remember them more than I do the good ones. I'm odd that way huh?

I know that this post is way overdue, almost three weeks into the year of 2011~ only NOW am I thinking of doing such a post :p I suppose I still wish that this time now, was then. The 'then' of when I could have taken a different step of what I get now.

You reap what you sow, and what I got isn't something I'm proud of :) but it's not that bad. Here's to a hopeful 2011! *raises glass

I've realized that some people; more specifically a girl that I thought of befriending, is very superficial... she seems to favor people who are prettier. That kind of vapid shallowness isn't what I look for in a friend. Plus she just thinks the world of her possessions, nothing else - which I might add, is somewhat pretentious of her. *gags*

I also found that some people hurt the ones that are closer to them because they feel comfy hurting them... or maybe, that's just me trying to see the light of things... maybe they're just being bitchy? That's me being absolutely harsh. I can't understand why people can be so bipolar. =__=);

I have also come to understand that ties that I have with my friends... aren't "evergreen", if anything they are ever-changing; I've drifted apart with quite a few of you, some are still around and things have changed - some for the better some for the worst. I'll say, whatever! I'm thankful for those who have stayed :) but I won't forget those who've come and gone. I am, as I said earlier, someone who seriously likes to dwell on the past.... =___=);

More importantly, thank you 2010, for giving me bites of what reality is; for all the dramas, the highs and lows! ;D I might have gotten a beating out of it, but at least I've grown a little.





I shall end it with a stupid yet typical-of-me picture! hehehe...


Oh and just so you know, my relationship with my boyfriend has been drama-less :p Yay! it's time for the stability phase! :D AMIN AMIN! Still, I get pissed at looking at girls adding him up on facebook and him accepting it just because he accepts everyone and uhmmm... him liking pictures of girls~ for the love of me I cannot understand that bit. But I see other girls' boyfriends doing it to me. So nyehh~ guess its normal (?) They still love their gf, right? I know I don't go around liking guys' pictures on facebook. lol. Do not see the point of it, unless its pictures of my boyfriend in 'em! x) Maybe its a gender difference thing~ *shrug*

Although that gets me good in the gut-- or heart, yes still does. BUT... antah! whateverrr~ I'm not going to give him hell for it. I've stopped caring about petty things... I just hope he stops doing it just because I'm very understanding about the whole thing :p

Man, I'm beginning to sound like a try-hard at growing up to be a young adult! HAHAHAHA
PFFT! well I'm twenty now. Might as well start freaking somewhere~

Motherly...

Okay yeah, I do feel like I look old in this picture :p I feel quite motherly whenever I look at it. Even my hair was up in a (slightly loose) bun! xD

I kinda think I have quite a knack for holding babies. Despite my morbid fear of snapping their bones when I hold newborns or babies that are only shy of being less than 6months old. I have very nice "pillows" on me LOL, cushiony to even the biggest of *cough* "babies". Plus I am omfg-warm! x) I'm like the perfect bed of warmth to sleep on~ :p

Baby Aidan and I :) *points to picture*

Zodiacs!

An article that my boyfriend shared with me... APPARENTLY! I'm not a Scorpio... like what the fuck!?

I'm a libra... *scoffs*

Earth’s ‘wobble’ means your zodiac sign may be wrong
by Liz Goodwin

A Minnesota astronomer confirms what many have suspected: Your horoscope is quite possibly wrong.

Earth's shifts on its axis over the past 3,000 years have changed the 12 zodiac signs. For example, think your sign is Aquarius? You may be a Pisces. (There's also a 13th sign, Ophiuchus, that's based on a constellation the ancient Babylonians threw out for symmetry thousands of years ago.)

So who's to blame for this scam on zodiac devotees?

The ancient Babylonians based the zodiac on which constellation the sun appeared to be in when a person was born. Since then, the moon's has exerted a gravitation pull on Earth, causing a "wobble" on its axis that has shifted the stars' alignment by about a month, the Minneapolis Star-Tribune reports.

"Because of this change in the tilt, the Earth is over here and the sun is in a different constellation than it was 3,000 years ago when this study of the stars began," astronomer Parke Kunkle told the Twin Cities' KARE-TV.

The shift isn't new, Kunkle says -- the zodiac world just hasn't taken the wobble into account.

Here's your new sign below:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16

Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11

Pisces: March 11-April 18

Aries: April 18-May 13

Taurus: May 13-June 21

Gemini: June 21-July 20

Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10

Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16

Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30

Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23

Scorpio: Nov. 23-Nov. 29

Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17

Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20

(Celestial map: Getty.)

sketched

just something I made... :) faceless makes it good. why? because my poker face isn't great.

At times, I feel like my expression betrays my emotions - especially ones that are genuinely overwhelming - that I try so hard to hide.

I love this guy so much right now...



I miss him so bad, I feel like I'm on the verge of turning horny Hehehehe just kidding :p but yes, I totally miss him!! :( I miss spending time with him. So I just had to blog about him, using my iPhone just cause I wanted to do that asap. *sigh* I want to see him :( I haven't heard his voice in a few days now. I mean, we text almost everyday but that just isn't the same :( I miss how he makes me feel, how caring he can be. How warm his body is~ fufufufufu.. :'(


I love u baby :(

Supernatural

I don't know why, but I've been watching "supernatural" (I started on season 1 the last week of november now I'm halfway through season 3) non-stop for the past few days. BUT, I haven't actually had a bad dream?

Am I asking for it by wondering why not? D: Well... I just thought if I immersed myself in something so dark and 'supposedly' scary, I'd have equally dark dreams :(

Not that I want that hehehehehe... but I just assumed I would. My sister, who is my temporary roomie at the moment since my room is still barren =___=); *cough* YEP, still~! well yeah, she said that I laughed in my sleep a few nights ago. hehehehe creeped her out :p I don't remember what I dreamt of that night though~ *shrugs*

I've been trying to do every bit I can to help my dad you know, like pay for my own paint and actually paint my own walls by myself and decorating everything by myself to save him the trouble of getting pissed at them for not doing it properly, cause they've been doing such a bang up job on everything else so far! Yes, please note the sarcasm, because I don't think I slathered it on my sentence thick enough. Basically if I would just like to get my room done, so I can sleep in my own privacy. GEEZ~ If I had the skills to be a carpenter and like have the necessary equipments I would just frickin' take the job of doing it myself! EVERYTHING DONE BY ME. IF I COULD. Seriously, it gets annoying to rely on them stupid buttheads of a worker. *smacks their heads one by one*

I'm not complaining, it's fun~ Painting my room was fun! Tiring and it got me a little sore from stretching and being on the ladder for hourssss on end definitely affected me but yeah... I actually made it to be one of my 'mini project' I mentioned earlier. I have several mini projects :) it's to keep me busy and to keep me from going crazy, because I've been asked to hole up inside the house ;D because apparently if I go out twice a week or heaven forbid THRICE... my dad would accuse me of 'bejalan saja jua'.

I simply cannot understand why he's always having a cow these days! Seriously, he raises his voice at every single thing, it's like EVERYTHING is frickin' offensive to him. You make a statement that's missing a few details he argues and attacks you like nobody's business. I mean WHAT THE F---!

So we, and by 'we' I mean my mom-- her especially and my sister and I fall victim to his mood swings. It's like, I used to be in my parents room for most of the day, but now I avoid it just because I don't want to have to hear him pick a fight or argue with us.

Then when you say he's getting mad, he'll say who's getting mad? or like he says oh so now I can't comment without people thinking I'm angry? -_______-) cheh... My dad loves to argue, he thinks that keeps his brain working and sharp. Though that's all good and all that he's trying to keep his mind well-oiled and stuff.

But omg, PLEASE. sometimes he does it too much and I just get so fed up and heaven forbid if your expression changes to a sour one, it's like you're damned. It's succcch a big offense. So nowadays, I keep a blank expression at all times-- point is, don't look happy, because once that expression changes to an expression of "what the fuck did I do?" or basically your expression turns sour. He'll get mad at that too. *scratches head* I JUST DON'T GET IT.

I am sooo going crazy~! And people wonder why I'm cranky or just out of it most of the time. *sigh* just stab me now for being a cliched misunderstood teena-- oh shiz, I'm 20! Fuck I'm old. Well that's odd and slightly embarrassing. I'm not suffering from teen angst. AHAHAHAHAHA. :p

Wah... I bet my blog is just swamped with words of rant... or just chunks of paragraph. I should post up pictures of what I've done to my room soon. Just to have a nice neutral post~ :3 I should blog about my nephew soon too~

His face changed :) As does all babies for the first few weeks of their lives. He's getting chubbier :3 yay for baby Aidan~ congratulations is necessary on how handsome my nephew has become! :D lolololol.

I just totally digressed from the initial reason of posting up this entry... LOL. supernatural has become from me complaining I'm not getting out enough to my dad making the three of us uneasy to small bits about my room and then my nephew.

*yawn*

Well things I planned didn't exactly go as planned :P

We haven't had that sleepover because my dad seems to have given up on pushing the workers to get started on my furnitures. *sniff* thank you for that, daddy. =____=);

Secondly I haven't spent much time with my girls :( I suppose it's cause I book them a lil later than what I intended. Ho well~ I've only been out twice. TWICE! D: and I've had my holidays for over a week now. Well thrice, cause I went out with Nabs yesterday for brunch ;)

Not entirely sure if I should text Fahrul... on one hand, I kind of miss him because I haven't seen much of him lately nor have we like really talked to each other. But then again, he's become one heck of a popular/famous/in demand broad-- as in, he's always out and about with errands or his girlfriend or his other varied group of friends. I haven't even taken him for a ride or driven him around.

You see, I made a promise to myself that I would drive around people that have helped me or driven me, AT LEAST once :( But some aren't just giving me the chance to *sigh* what thiiiiissss? how can I tunaikan my own janji meh? D: One reason for me doing this is because I'm like 75% sure that at one point, some of them are bound to think that I was using them for a ride. Not a nice thought to leave on someone's head-- not really the kind of impression I'd like to leave on someone's mind. Point is, I haven't even done this simple task! D:

See, nothing going as planned! Soooooooo frustrating~

But I guess my losing weight thing is going alright :) I've been fasting and exercising and following an energy equation thing. Sooooo~ hopefully I've lost what I expect to lose.

Thiiiiiiiissssssssssssss.................
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
is a butterfly! XD hehehehe.. sorry I haven't blogged much :p busy with my mini projects :p