G'dayummm it's been a while

Hi there people of the blogosphere or well... the internet. I have been trying so hard to post up regularly... but my life has been a whirlwind of activities and I don't find the thought of connecting to the internet that much of a good thing lately.


But hmmm... I still sort of tweet.... and I am active on instagram? Guess it's because twitter is conveniently there and it's bite sized pieces... whereas instagram is awesome since it's a photo app and photography is something I have a bit of interest in :) So yeah, an update...

I am beginning to find more and more reasons for me to be my own boss after these few months of interning.
It suits me alright, but I think I would prefer an environment where I can be free to be myself and not get shit from insensitive people :D

Another thing is, I am becoming acutely aware that I am neglecting everyone... well I keep in touch with certain people but majority of you all have been ignored. I am so sorry. A thousand apologies!

Oh and I don't think I've actually mentioned about my  Cupcake business and the facebook page that I have on it and the very very neglected blog (hopefully in the near future) turned website. I am busy... I make cupcakes sometimes until late at night cause I have more responsibilities now and I have work to do and I just tend to close up like a clam... I just wish to get away from everything cause inside I'm slowly losing myself... though I act totally blasé about everything usulnya, tapi duima, no one knows the troubles I've seen~~ *sings*

Bah eh. this blog is getting wordy wordy, eversince I posted my draft on that long ass post about "humanity" lol...

Warning: contains profanity & blubbering emotions

This is going to be one of those posts... where I choose to pour my heart out. It will be slightly filtered and maybe a little bit too 'coded' or not...*shrug* But I can honestly admit that it's what I feel; a confession of emotions! I haven't done this in a while, because I've lately been trying to be 'strong'-- stronger than ever, because I was broken in more ways than one when I ended that long ass relationship I had.

First and foremost, I'd like to point out that yes, by doing this post, I may seem like I do not value discretion or maybe I don't know how to be discreet; let me just say that, it's not that I don't know how to or don't want to be discreet. It's more of a question of whether or not I can not be honest with myself. I respect others' privacy and my own too, but there's only so much I can keep a secret when it comes to myself, while also fretting that not being able to fully explain my thoughts and emotions honestly, would undoubtedly conflict with my own principles; and people who don't stick to their principles is not someone of strong character (imo). But yes okay.. I admit, there are times when I post things to make it seem like everything is alright when it isn't... that's because I don't want my blogders (friends mostly) to worry. But hmmm, I suppose if you looked hard enough, you could tell.

I share these words within this space, not because I enjoy hanging my dirty laundry out for everyone to see. I am not proud of my weaknesses and my sins or whatever negativity I put through via my blog or its' contents -- and I'm not going to justify it by saying I'm trying to be 'real', no... that would just make me sound like a douchebag and even offensive~ Not saying that if you wish not to share like I do, that it means that you are any less from being 'real'.

I, in fact, just want to be human, at times I will show my depression and my sadness a little more than I'd like to and share my insecurities in all its' non-attractiveness galore~ I get that it's really unbecoming, but having a "bad poker face" just means I don't hide things very well if it concerns matters of the heart. Sure I get hurt and I tend to show my bitchy side when I get explosively reactive towards something (that varies from being) slightly or extremely offensive, I don't really care. I'm only human and quite prone to making errors and possessing ugly traits. I am not some robot who doesn't want to share feelings nor am I pretentious in trying to portray how perfect I am or how perfect my life is.

So here goes! I'm going to get absolutely personal and if it scares you or makes you think I'm pathetic or pitiful or even stupid-- it's your opinion, and yours alone, don't share it unless you are asked. Just keep that thought in the corner of your mind. Because yes, everyone knows how sensitive anis can be; unless of course she braces herself for it beforehand. Don't slap me without a warning k? I will react violently :p

I would just like to clarify a few things-- but these things all concern me and on how I think everyone perceives me.

I'm just going to be all over the place, but I'll start with this one. Okay, yes, I admit-- I am one major hypocrite. I say one thing, but then at times, I think-- like when I look back on it, I really do think that I am a very stupid girl-- because I don't "do as I preach". I am all up on my high horse saying how I hate humanity and how they disappoint me and how everyone are so full of faults and spoils and other disappointing things...

Then I think, okay, am I any better? The answer to that is... neither a yes nor a no. It's more of a... relatively speaking kinda thing. Get me? I am not going to say specifics but I can be an immoral bitch when it comes to certain "things in life", but I can be a major righteous prude at other "things in life". Therefore, hypocrite!

Of course, being the self-absorbed being that I am (who isn't? unless you're like-- *thinks hard* see, I'm too jaded with the world that I can't even think of anyone who is that selfless) when it comes to the "area" of subject that I am a righteous prude in... I look at everyone who isn't as prudish as I am in a less flattering light. I tolerate certain behaviors more than do others... it's called selective-discrimination! LOL. You always, try to bring 'up' your image right? Like, one would never say things like... "I am shit at doing so and so thing"-- unless you're trying to fish for compliments cause you're fully aware of how good you really at doing that so and so thing. I am on my high horse cause I know for a fact, in this sense, you're wrong and I'm right-- or I have more points to back up my reasoning than how shit you justify yours. I'm not a nice person for saying that. I never claimed to be the nice girl, I'm just... not the kind of person yang sampai hati kan menyakitkan orang physically or emotionally to the extent of them being physically or verbally or mentally abused. I still care to pull back on the hand that strikes with the other hand that's free. In the heat of the moment kan, I might think oh yeah! I should totally get down on that bitch and teach her a lesson, I may even say hurtful things and lay down evil plans to bring said offender down; but then I think, whatever... not worth the time and I optimally better-raised than someone who would carry on with such primitive thoughts.

Point here is, I am like... neither a saint or totally immoral. I'm a bit of in between. I always am, I don't do extremities-- they lack character and are too... mainstream (in a way), doncha think? It's my way of keeping things interesting.

I am always the lesser of two evils. ALWAYS. And when it comes to making nice with others... I am the nicer one (no lie, I am nicer) Unless of course, you're an imbalance bitch with two sides to your personality or someone who has betrayed me emotionally in whatever way possible OR by some reason, you're a nicer person than I am! And this last reason of course, usually applies to my friends... well not all, but I do have friends like these :)

If you people can't get a clear understanding of what I'm trying to say, I'll put up these real-life situations into view for everyone to get a clearer picture ok?

So, I hear from a friend that an ex high-school mate got knocked up by her boyfriend right after they had sex in the back of his car. They are now married-- shotgun wedding lah so to speak.

My reaction would be... "OMG. wow that's bad O_O that's not something I'd wanna happen to me" or something along those lines, to further elaborate this you can tell that I am shocked and surprised, but I don't really have a volatile reaction to it. In no way do I think that this girl is a slut, because well, she just fucked one guy, now she's married to him... and thing is, sure other girls can go on till their dying day without putting out to a guy or at least till their wedding night... Not everyone is that lucky or has that much self-control. Nah'mean?

Other people would think: like those really really prude or religious girls would be like *gasps* anis! what do you mean? She totally had sex! total slut! unacceptable!! *RAWRRRRR!!*

hehehehe... okay, a slight misrepresentation. but whatevvvsss :p

okay okay, hold your horses, I'm not saying these people are wrong; religion-wise, they are absolutely right, but to me, it's tolerable, I know it breaches the whole no sex before marriage thing... but I'm okay with it~  I agree, people should avoid sex before marriage as much as they can. But in the end, it's all about an individual's decision. But to me, like I said, I find it tolerable... It's relatively better than this other story I'm about to share...

Another story that I've heard from a friend is that, this girl actively has sex with her boyfriend but then cheats on him with another guy and has sex with him too. She then stupidly breaks up with the boyfriend that loves her for this other guy. Turns out she had the other guy's baby... but alas! the other guy was just a fucking jerk who was feeding his needs-- doesn't give two shits about the girl and severs all connection with her. Well, what happens next? She goes back to her boyfriend, tells him that it's his baby and marries him.

OKAY. Now this... this gets my blood boiling~! WHY?? WANNA KNOW WHY?? She just tainted the sacred relationship of love! It's a wide known thing here, that doing it is bad... I'm cool with that, still won't call her a slut, but the minute I heard that NOT ONLY DID SHE CHEAT!!! (I am anal with people who cheat on others) SHE ALSO DID IT WITH MORE THAN ONE GUY AT THAT ONE TIME. I am "open" and cool with it to an extent... but gosh, SLUT. So if anyone thinks its bad that I tolerate such behaviors? please la, I am just more lenient, forgiving and understanding that everything that happens in life IS NOT BLACK AND WHITE. There are other factors in this world, that can pull you out of your right mind okay?

TAPI, I am a "mono" type of girl.... just one man for everything. Cheating on someone whether it's just emotionally still gives me this huge sense of guilt! I can't stand the thought of people cheating on the person they supposedly 'chose' to be with. If you don't love 'em just freaking leave 'em already, no use bah trying to hold onto two or even three people. Just one, one can do wonders to complete that little empty longing in your heard or... loins. LOL! kidding about that last word. x) I am more faithful and devoted than that dog hachiko. benar. x) hehehehehe...

I give chances to people, because I believe everyone deserves a chance! But cheating is just like. OMG WHY WOULD U DO THAT!? WHYYY!!?? So I won't quit on someone straightaway. I have faith in the people I have come to build and share memories with... so for the stupid shit that says I'm being clingy, well fuck you. I have more depth as a person than you could ever hope to be, so I may try to get your shit straight or to get you to "reconcile" in a harsh sindiran way or a nice way, it depends~ but I will fucking try, cause that's my own personal principle and I will carry on with it as I see fit! Hmmm... not that you were even right thinking that I was still "thinking of you" pssh~  I gave up on that shit a long time ago, you just chose to be perasan about it. But yeah, three strikes-- then you're out. Then barutah to me, it would be like "people come and go and it happens for a reason- shit happens so you just let those shit slide."


I just got tired of emotionally typing on my laptop... It's waning out my patience when I think of how people are just so quick to quit on something they supposedly 'gave a damn about'- when shit gets hard, you just fucking walk away? What kind of person are you?? UGH! Again, I might not be the most religious person out there, but everything needs usaha, takdir pun takdir jua, tapi mesti jua berusaha... jangan tah kan sit your lazy ass there and make things happen. Our fate can change depending on how badly you want certain things to go your way. SO fuck those who say things were fated to be a certain way, God may very well will things to happen, but don't you bloody people know that with the right kind of attitude and with an earnest heart and a shitload of hard work and praying/wishing/hoping for it day and night can change even ANIMAL SHIT to be USEFUL FERTILISER?

Sengaja use that metaphor because MEMANG can change animal shit to be useful fertiliser that creates good outcome. Stupid lah some people... THINK please. Even aku yang staie setau about how to live life ani dapat tepikir pasal benda macam ani...


BAH. sudah tah, sangal ku... orang tua dari aku pun macam hopeless jua masih kadang2nya ulah durang... =/ not saying aku awesome brabis, tapi at least... awesome jua sikit lah. HAHAHHAHAHAHA... :p

Gosh

I fucking love his sarcasm.

Work Mates! ;)

Mizah

Yuni

Eqah

Us four inside my car top-down~ HEHEHEHE. I gave her that red lipstick :P My whole giving people make up randomly has not gone away~ I'm still pretty much me with whoever I'm with. 

:D It's here!!

I got a nice surprise when I got home from work! :D

A package arrived for me and inside the box waaaasss a box and a fancy looking leather notepad thing. It was sweetly placed at that secret place you said it would be at-- I check every single day and finally found something today! LOL. I'm only showing the exterior eheheh... since I promised this guy...

that the contents of what's inside the box would only be for my eyes... TEEEHEE. Thank you Andieeeee~ *huggles* It's totally a belated birthday gift BUT at least you cared enough to give me. Always being there for you and you being there for me and our late night talks about life and such was great -- inda ku rugi being your so-called "shrink". Just remember I'd always be there for you even if we don't talk a lot nowadays :( Life has kept us busy buddy! :) But its kaaay, I'll return the favor. Have fun in the US ;)

summery feel :)

I feeeeeeeeeeel giddy this morning :) and well, I just thought that the season of summer; with the sun kissing everyone's skin and the breezy weather, with wispy winds in our hair -- best suits that giddiness, don't you think? :) 

Nothing beats imagery to show how one feels, right?

flash - no flash.

a scene from one of those road-trips I took.

:) PURRRTEH!

(if you were wondering, yeah all the pictures above are mine, taken by me and everything~)

All the above pictures seemed more or less relevant to my whole summery mood :p the dress, the flats, the tall grassy area, endless roads with blue skies... *sigh* it's beautiful. (I'm thinking a flowery sun hat would be good here too! but nadaaa~ oh well) Honestly, to me, there's just something about summer that makes you feel slightly light-hearted right? hehehe... gosh I honestly miss being in the UK during summer now~! going during winter, this year :( BOOHOO! 

takpe takpe, haven't seen or felt snow in a while. Hehehe... Coco would think I'm INSANE for wishing about a snowy weather -- that girl hates the cold and winter with a Passion!! with a capital P! hehehehe... Oh and working at the Bureau has been really enjoyable; the people at my department/section thinks that I am pretty bubbly and "happy-go-lucky" (actual quote from them) but yeah, I am so ceria *snickers* that people seem to find me funny. LOL. I guess I should tone down my laughter a bit though... I am beginning to seem like a hyena on laughing gas (double the laughter) or something.... I laugh and laugh-- so much that when I don't or when I'm missing from work, people look for me! Like d'awww~!! makes you feel so special! hahahaha... 

I haven't blogged in a while and yeah, posting these last couple of posts took me ages :P I just get so tired every single day. They bring us to all four districts - repeatedly~! They take us to go here and there to arrange events, meet people, attend meeting and set up talks and what nots~ Don't get me wrong, this isn't me complaining~ it's merely my way of stating how much activity they give us that it's so enjoyable! :D DOWNSIDE THOUGH; they FEED US LIKE PIGS. I think I gained what I've lost for 6 months in just.. oh iunno~ a month? LOL. Aside from our daily (constant) activities, we also have the report and project to do. So yeah, it's been fun. Refreshingly different from sitting, listening and attending lectures. Roadshows are the best :) 

I promise to update more often... since I think I'm getting used to the slightly whirlwind pace of working at the Bureau. Honestly, I didn't expect we'd be doing anything much, other than clerical work on a desk when I first joined - like surprise surprise! This government institution doesn't seem to be like any other we have. Ho humm... okay.... I'll be off now. Busy running my own little cupcake business is also an added thing that goes onto the list of what makes me tired every day. 

Photo App Junkie

The only new picture is... the one above this sentence :p H.S. Yep, my initials on a mont blanc pen ;) cause I'm so rich liddat. HAHAHAHA jk. God I hate show offs. Anyhoo! Proceed to checking out the old photos that I just recently edited using all my new photo apps. 

I started a trend on instagram with my awesome collages and text editor thing. LOL. Bruneians are so sheep-like it's funny. They ask me what I use and then voila~ they follow suit, not that its not flattering. But yeah, it amazes me. OH! But it's cute how everyone joins in on the whole creativity thing :) bagus la bagusss~

Anyways, three photo app I always use is "camera+", "photo wizard" and a tie between "diptic"/"photo split". 

Hi~ Meet Appa!

I have never officially introduced Appa (it's a tabby cat not a tom cat btw) on my blog... 

Sadly, I haven't done it soon enough because something unfortunate happened... and well, she is now buried under the ground. :'( I miss her every single day, wishing that she had never left us. She was only shy of being a fully 5-month kitty. *sigh* No one knows how much I would cry even for a cat.

I miss you Appa, you would have been even bigger by now T___T

Ski-den-den

So... here's my car.

ONE WORD: EPIC!

hahahah... yes, when I saw the damage... I was sorely reminded of a certain friend who kept telling me to drive slow, wanted to check my alignment and told me to get my tyres changed... Lols... HMMMM... wonder how he's doing~

work work work :p

 DAY 1

Day 1 of work was surprisingly alright. I walked into the building a little apprehensive of what was in store for me... BUT EHHH.... Familiar faces are a welcoming sight x) I saw Ayuni and was immediately relieved. Then we met up with Mizah who arrived before us. The three of us sort of got along pretty well pretty fast actually~ LOL. I guess the chemistry was just right. But we barely did any work... we were mostly brought around to meet up with all the officers and whatnot.

I think it is indeed a good institution to have an internship at. Hmmm... a couple of people were sweet enough to remember that it was my first day of work and text me ehehehe *hugs fiqah, jason and adib* sweeties! x) lol.



DAY 2

On the first day we were so caught up with all the excitement of being newbies that we didn't quite have any food in us. So on the second day we practically stocked up on food! lol well actually it was just bits of food to last us the next two days :) I lanja'd the girls mugs... hahaha.. everything we bought was in threes. Second day we were told to do a lot of things, so that was a relief cause I can't handle another day of doing nothing. It gave me a headache staying put inside an air-conditioned room for most of the day tbh. =____=);

Light-buuuuuulb.

Been drawing lately! and those who follow or know me long enough know that it only happens if I've got something in my head. Usually if I have like an intense emotion inside of me my face would scrunch up into this epic expression that looks like a crumpled piece of paper. Kusut tah sudah tuuuu~ but most of the time it would look pretty blank, that's when I'm just trying to let something off my chest. Anyways... I drew something interesting! GIRLS! lol... and one has the whole cheekbone thing going on. 

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT! I've been thinking of something... As of late, like for the past few months... I've been trying to be a good little girl by earning money :p I'm trying to provide for myself, you could say that I guess. Things that my family buys for me are usually expensive and I'm not the most graceful person out there you see, thus I tend to drop things and what not-- basically I can be accident prone at times, so my 'property' gets damaged in the process... SO, as a way of making money immediately to meet such demands from my wallet *cough* well my parents' lah... HEE... I try to lessen it by doing all I can. So boo to people who claim I am a spoiled brat xp I still have a sense of responsibility and I do value money you know :p 

Which brings me to say that I took up a hobby of making cupcakes... THING IS RIGHT. I find that I could actually make a business out of this huh? It's funnnnn and people seem to like my cuppies :D

Honestly, I so have to thank Nabs' boyfriend for indirectly giving me this bright idea. If it weren't for him wanting more of my cupcakes and asking if I sell them I wouldn't have thought of doing anything like this... :) So for the months of holiday, I've been busying myself with cupcakes ^_^ 

Aaah... I somehow wish I was back in school though... Oh well! Interning should be a good experience :) I shall see how my life working behind a desk will be like x) lol. Ho humm... results are out... and I... got all Cs... not really.......... satisfying :( Oh well... *shrugs* shall do better next year.

cutie pies ^_^

So Jason actually bought this puppy when I told him how cute it was...

LOL! ADORABLE KAN!? I wish I could snuggle up to it... *sigh* I would love to get dogs if they were allowed. I keep thinking how the little general is doing ever since Jase has left for Hong Kong the past week....... My new year wasn't awesome because I was supposed to have spent it with si Awang Jason tapi he had to leave for HK for a bit...

BUT LOOK WHO'S BACK LAST NIGHT! :D Looking very tired... lol... sepet-er eyes than usual :p hahahaha I'm so mean x) But he doesn't mind HAA.... awesome guy.

Kaling majal.

Okay, that sounds rather racist, but Bruneians have this expression of saying "jangan majal ani, kaling saja majal" hahahahahaha... so look what I found :p or rather, look what my sister so kindly shared with the family on our little family chat on whatsapp the other day XD HEHEHEHEHEHEHE...

Do you know why this picture is the epitome of "kaling majal"? HAHAHA. It's pretty obvious :p 

pink. black. white.

Why, I've been thinking of starting a  " black-white project " thing... I've been giving myself things to do as a little loner for the holidays. LOL. sounds pathetic right? But you know what, I guess I need time away from friends and cousins and family~ I've been thinking of activities that only requires one person. Yep, that would be me, the lone wolf :p 

Sometimes I kind of think I don't really need 'need' them? But I guess it's out of habit that I tend to look for company, but I fare just well without them. I guess this is what Fakhrul meant by how I should find myself first as a person since I was always so attached to the thought of being a 'two-people party' when I was in a relationship for the longest time of my life. That's why I seem to be vying for company. Oh yuck, I sound so reliant on others. OH WOW, it seems so obvious now that I've put that down into writing.... *cough* okay, aku malu... lolololololololoololol. SO SORRY MI AMIGAS AND AMIGOS-- if I seem too clingy towards ya :p 

BUT ANYHOO, I shall start on photo series :) I've realised that all through out my life, I've always not voiced out my thoughts in a verbal manner. I do it through writing, sketches, painting, cooking, backing and even betukang! (that's woodwork for you) LOL. Did you know before my O'levels... I made myself a notice board.... like frames and stuff... LOL. and mind you~ this was like 2 days before my first exam! I was too nervous that I just had to take my mind off it. So I rummaged through my dad's tool box and took out hammer, nails, got some leftover wood from the store and that small chainsaw thing and I got bricks from outside to be the work-station 'stand'. You know, sometimes, I myself am kinda surprise how guyish that seems... -___-); I'm really a bunch of everything rolled into one. I supposed that's why this blog is called little miss a bit of everything :p OMG! totally digressed there... anyways, back to what I was saying...

I find that I just put out my frustration, guilt, sadness, confusion and whatever emotions I have through these various outlets... And well, eversince I got a camera phone when I was in year 7, I've developed another way of venting out emotions-- by way of photo-taking :D

I am seriously artsy fartsy. LOL. I put fartsy at the end, because I know it comes across as being fuxking pretentious to others and besides I think I'm an amateur. For this pink-black-white series, I've edited two pictures :) One of my niece and one of myself ;)

Simple yeah? But I think simplicity can be quite classy ;) too much can turn anything to be gaudy tbh.